I'm going to be honest with you now.

I've been working non stop, starting May 2008 on the Saphyre Project. And I think now I'm getting myself in a rut.

I feel so unconfident with anything I do. I try to write a story about my characters, but my writing sucks. I try to do a comic and within moments I'm completely overwhelmed at the sheer difficulty. My characters, I feel, will never be as good as anyone elses characters. Everything I do just isn't good enough for me. Theres always something out there better.

Looking back on the beginnings of my project, i had a lot more enthusiasm, and i knew that the whole thing was for nothing but fun and enjoyment. But now, I feel as though working on the project is a duty and a chore.

The reasons why? I think my low self esteem in general is to blame for my constant being hard on myself. But also I think after all these long months working on this project, I've completely over-worked myself. Its gotten to the point its stressing me out! This is meant to be fun! I've completely let the project take over me.

Thats why i've been doing fan art lately, because It just feels so much more chilled to me, because I'm drawing someone elses brilliant characters. I'm not responsible for anything, I don't have to think about anything. I just have to make sure the drawings all well and good.

I think I'm gonna take a break entirely from my project. I don't want all the concepts I've done to completely go to waste, so I will pick it back up. But I think when I do, I might rebuld everything from the ground up, get rid of all the baggage. You could say that I'm thinking of starting something new all together, and maybe that will happen. I love my characters I've created, so if I were to start from the ground up, they'd be in there but kind of with a different identity. A different look and name maybe. But then again you could argue they wouldn't be the characters they're meant to be no more.

Not many people were aware of this Saphyre Project I don't think so it might not be such a problem.


I'm not taking a break from art however, because thats not whats stressing me out. Expect lots more fan art from me in the coming months. The project work might continue in the new year.

So lately i've been uploading deviations which correspond directly to my project, the Saphyre Project.

If you think about it nearly 3 quarters of my gallery is concept art if you take into account all the pictures i've done of Benny (the main character) and a few others. But the most recent ones are closer to what the final product will look like and while doing them I've had clear goals whereas with my earlier ones I had no idea what I wanted to do.

So what is this Saphyre Project? Well, its the Manga I was harping on about a few weeks ago. But things have changed a lot since then. I've decided not to go with Manga style and instead do the comic in a graphic novel style.

Right now my plans are:

To upload the comic, chapter by chapter to here, and also create a website devoted to the project.

Its gonna be pretty big and demanding on me however, still, I'm fine with that, it keeps me busy.

Those who know me will know that I am constantly changing my ideas, and constantly changing what I want to do. I usually start something, then stop.

So what have I done to reduce the risk of that happening again?

Well, instead of nosediving right into it, I've taken time to do concepts and write down what I want to do and ensure its really what I want to do. I've wrote out the story (for chapter one at least) and drawn the characters and locations how I want them to be. I need to be prepared.

I'm also changing the mentality that is " I gotta get this finished A.S.A.P!" I realize this could take years.

Why am I doing it? For the experience, for myself, and for fun. Also to sharpen my skills. Who knows what this comic could do for me in the long run also.I'm not doing it for money. Stupid? To some yes, Waste of time? Again, to some yes. But to me it certainly isn't.

I've also looked at quite a few other comics and learned a lot about what I need to do, and done some other forms of research.

So I think I'm prepared. I'm still working on some more concepts before I start.

I hope I can somehow gather more interest in this thing, I know it sounds selfish, but first and foremost I'm doing this for myself. In my opinion you should always think about yourself when you're doing these things, because when the passion isn't there, you can tell.

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